Tag Archives: Anxiety

Today…I’m going to choose happiness…

This fragile life we lead is just that….FRAGILE!  

We get one….this ONE life to make the most of….to accomplish all we are capable of…

….but are you wasting it?

I know I was!  

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These past 365ish days have been eye-opening to just how fragile life is…how quickly life as you know it can change….and I’m reminded daily of this very fact.  

These past 365ish days has shaken me and woke my ass up….opened my eyes so wide…I will forever need sunglasses 🙂

An accumulation of bad events happening in my life a year ago made me realize just how much I was wrapped up in my own depression/misery.  Hitting rock bottom will do that to you.  (Side note:  I’ve always dealt with, since I can remember, what I now know as depression/anxiety/ADD.)

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Up until my world was rocked….I was literally going through the motions of the day….seeing but not really seeing…there but not really there. To the outside world, you would never know…why?…because I’ve had many years of practice as a master actress of fake happiness.  In fact, I was so good…I didn’t even realize just how unhappy I was…I just took it as this is the way I’ve always been.  The reason I was unhappy??  I Have NO Clue!….that’s how depression works.  You feel the suffering but you’re not sure why and for what…if that makes sense.  But it doesn’t take away from the fact that I pushed people away and didn’t even realize it.  It doesn’t take away from the fact that I was wasting my life away by going thru the motions. 

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365ish days ago though…my world turned upside down and dropped me to my knees.  And it was there that I realized that most important thing that I could have EVER realized.

I needed someone to take control of my life and happiness…and the only person who could do that was ME!  After many, many weeks of soul-searching…I realized that my happiness was in my hands and my hands alone.  I had spent most of my life thinking the exact opposite.  That I needed others to make me happy…which it turns out…just doesn’t work out that great!  

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It was also around that time that I read something in a book I had recently started.  It said, “We need to learn to adapt to change but we also need to learn to tell when a situation is wrong for us and not force ourselves to fit.” – Journey to the Heart by Melody Beattie.

It clicked…the final piece easily fell into place and I knew what I needed.  I needed to start living for myself…living the life I was meant for and not the one I thought everyone wanted me to live…Trust me when I say this isn’t easy for me because this totally goes against everything I believed as a chronic “people pleaser”…but I decided to stop being scared and do it anyway. 

I decided then and there that big changes were coming…I realized that everything I wanted was just right beyond my comfort zone where I had taken up residence…I realized that I needed to stop hiding and to embrace life for what it really is….A gift!  

A gift to use wisely…to not waste. I needed to stop worrying about everything and just enjoy frickin’ life! 

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So I did!  I took a leap at happiness….and started following my heart!  I quit a job that just wasn’t meant for ME…got “MY” dream job…started surrounding myself with happy thoughts and people…started being present to my loved ones and working diligently on those relationships…started trying the things I had convinced myself I was scared of…and just overall…started just CHOOSING happiness.  

It’s not always easy…but I’ve seen and felt the alternative. 

It’s not always easy…when my depression rears its ugly head and makes me doubt everything I know to be true. 

It’s not always easy…when my irrational thoughts are running wild and make no sense…

Its hard to rise up above it…but try anyway…It’s always worth the try!  

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~ Happiness can be elusive sometimes….search it out anyway! ~ -Jennifer Whitrock

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With all this said…I’m seriously here for ANYONE that ever needs to talk 🙂

(Feel free to email me at livelearnloverun@gmail.com….ANYTIME!!! 24/7)

We are all in this together…I’ve got your back!

My Wakeup (A-HA) Moment…Who am I?!

Hello all!! 

I know I’ve been MIA lately but life has just been getting the best of me.  I thought today I would post my SweatPink A-HA moment.  This was originally posted on the FitApproach website for the Sweat Pink Ambassador Spotlight.  It was a scary thing to do to put my story out there but I’m glad that I did now 🙂

Here is my story below…enjoy!

Fitness, for me, started out in a very unhealthy way.  When I was 18, I allowed a boyfriend to make me feel unattractive and unimportant.  I allowed this to happen for 5 years.  Why?  I wish I could say!  I was young, impressionable…who knows why?

In those 5 years, I started working out off and on in a frantic and unhealthy way, in hopes that I would be skinny enough for him (I was a size 5 at that point which is a healthy size for me…I’m 5’ 6”).  I starved myself some days and purged others until I was a size 1 (which turns out, still wasn’t skinny enough).  Family members started voicing concern over how I was looking (at 5’6”, a size 1 did not look the greatest).

It took five years for me to figure out that it wasn’t me that had something wrong…it was him!  I was fine just the way I was!  A part of me always knew this, but when someone constantly tells you that you need to be skinnier, it starts to skew your thinking.  Eventually with the help of a great friend, I got up enough nerve to just leave.  And that is what I did…I waited till he left for work, packed up everything and left!  It was scary but I haven’t looked back.

I also deal with ADD/OCD/Anxiety so I seem to always be flipping from one thing to another.  Needless to say, my habits didn’t get much better after that, at least not until after I had my second child.  After my son, I was in a serious funk.  My anxiety was off the charts and I couldn’t stop it.

One day, while on Facebook, I saw a post from a girl I had went to high school with and she was talking about running.  I wasn’t really friends with this girl in school and was of course a little scared (social anxiety at its best) to contact her.  I did it anyway!  I sent her a message about maybe running with her one day and I haven’t looked back since.  I was at a point in my life where I just needed something.  Anything to keep the constant thoughts and worries running through my head from running rampant and taking over.  I was also wanting something to help me get back in shape….to lose that “baby weight”.  She replied back that she would be happy to take me on a run with her.  I went….we ran…we chatted…and I fell in love with running and the camaraderie that comes with it!  I had found it!  My thing!  My escape!  My sanity!

Since then, I’ve had a few setbacks (some surgeries…okay…3 surgeries to be exact).  They all “benched” me for a few months each.  I haven’t let that get me down too much though, and I’ve also gained a new perspective on fitness, food, health, etc.  I’ve learned what works for me and what doesn’t.  I’ve learned about a whole world of foods out there that are healthy and taste amazing.  I’ve learned that I have a choice in how I feel and look and what I put into my body.  I’ve learned more about fitness and the benefits of cross-training.  And I’ve met some amazing people on my health/fitness/blogger journey.

In the end, running is still my first love.  I wish I had learned to love it sooner.  But for now, I will just enjoy my time with it now and in the future for as long as I can.  I won’t say that I’ve completely stopped being that girl who looks down on herself.  I am my own worst enemy and it’s something that I fight with everyday but deep down in my heart, I know that what my mind is saying is wrong.  I am a healthy, strong, beautiful woman!  I’m a mom who is trying to instill all the right healthy habits in my kids!  I’m not afraid to work and train hard!  I am not afraid to sweat…I do NOT consider it gross or unattractive!  It’s a badge of honor showing the hard work I put in!

It’s ME!!  And I SWEAT PINK!